I’m not sure what I expected in the moments before my daughter was born. I’m not sure I knew entirely what was coming. Actually I’m 100% sure I didn’t know what was coming. I used to believe that marriage was the last great change, transforming a young lady into a woman (for me anyway). I had been married, for two years, and it changed me in ways I couldn’t have imagined before I had said yes to a life long commitment. But motherhood…that was something else entirely. There’s a great quote I love that says to be a mother is to forever have a piece of your heart forever walking around outside of your body. I love my husband beyond words…but the love I have for my daughter is immeasurably different. For a time she was a part of me. Linked to my life, eating the food I ate and gaining life by the air I breathed. And in that moment after she was born when the nurses were frantically suctioning fluid from her airways and throat I knew my life had forever changed…that I had forever changed.
To this day motherhood changes me. For the few hours that she was away playing with her aunts I looked around the house and listened to the silence and felt unease. My life has incredible purpose and meaning with her in it. It is on days like this that I can truly understand why God does the things he does for us. It is love beyond compare.
Life at times takes a snails pace…slowing down when we least want it and then going past in great gallops while we try with fumbling fingers to slow it down. I’m not sure where my last two years went. When I laid my little daughter to sleep tonight I could only think of how much faster the time will go and soon I’ll be the one babysitting a little grandchild.